The Thousand Shekels

One night a month or so ago I was in the Prayer Room carrying a wounded heart and struggling against all of the crutches I turn to and walls I build to cope with pain, when I found myself crying out to the Lord, “The thousand shekels [of silver] are for you, O Solomon!” (Song of Solomon 8:12b). I was surprised by my own prayer and struck by the desire of my own heart. Though I felt I understood the symbolism of this verse,* I had never looked beyond nor expected it to emerge in my dialogue with the Lord. But as I have continued to search out this groaning that the Holy Spirit placed within me, my spirit is stirred and my heart gripped with a renewed vision for living my life before God.

In Hebrews 12, the writer exhorts believers to “lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross…” (v. 1-2). When I think of setting my sights on the faithful Witness, the Firstborn from the dead, the Ruler of the kings of the earth, Him who loves me and washed me from my sin by His own blood (Revelation 1:5), I am overcome with the necessity of working out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). This is the One awesome in majesty, who formed the heavens and the earth and upholds all things by the word of His power, but also the One who chose love every time, who emptied Himself, who left His Father’s throne to come and woo my heart, who gave it all to have me. Oh, the beauty of this man!

Though fixing my eyes on Him surely comes in many forms, lately I’ve been thinking about the dynamics of looking into the eyes of a Man. There is something intimate about eye contact. There is vulnerability. What is it like to meet the gaze of the One with eyes like flames of fire (Revelation 1:14)? It makes me think of that day in a little while when I will stand face to face before Him, of how I will be overwhelmed by the beauty of His person as I finally see Him just as He is (1 John 3:2). And then suddenly the only thing that seems important is being beautiful for Him when He looks upon me. I am willing to do whatever it takes to not be ashamed when my eyes meet His, to have lived a life in desperate pursuit of love and no lesser thing. I long to present to Him the gift of a heart consumed with holy love. No matter what pains and disappointments I encounter in my life, a heart like that cannot be stolen from me as long as I daily choose to fight for it. Each decision is costly, but when I stand before Him on that day I want to give Him the most costly gift I can give because He is worthy. I am here on this earth to buy gold refined in the fire (Revelation 3:18).

So, as I eagerly await that day, I center my heart on this reality. Each painful choice to go low, to forgive, to bless my enemies, to pour myself out, to lean, to open up before Him, evokes the cry, “The thousand shekels are for you, O Solomon! Here I am, the joy set before You; come and have Your inheritance in me.”

* The basic interpretation is that the maiden of the story works to cultivate the vineyard of her own heart (“My very own vineyard is at my disposal” SOS 8:12a) and then chooses to give the profits of her labors to her lover (Solomon) as the culmination of her progression throughout the song into greater levels of intimacy and maturity in love.

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